Harry Potter: An Ordinary Boy
by adstyle17
Summary: Was it real? Is magic real? Can we ever trust our lives again after waking up from the longest dream in the world? That is what Harry is asking himself when instead of dying by the hands of Voldemort, Harry wakes up. NOT COMPLETE, UPDATES TO COME
1. Prologue- Come to die

An; this idea took inspiration from a Red Dwarf episode, the idea being that your life could be a simulation and that if you don't play life right it could be more costly than death. Basically when Harry goes to Voldemort to die he doesn't go to bright and heavenly King's Cross. Instead he awakens in an unusual place where the events of the Harry Potter books never took place. A place with no magic, where his friends in the series are not his friends, just classmates that don't talk to him. In some ways its paradise, no danger or fame, but in other ways its hell.

Also the pairing considered canon (as in the 'simulation' pairing) is Harry/Hermione.

Enjoy!

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Harry was scared. Not of dying particulary, but because he chose to. Yes, Harry had to die, it was the only way to defeat Voldemort. It wasn't really surrender, it was sacrifice. A certainty of death for a chance at victory.

But it felt like surrender to Harry. Harry had many opportunities to die that he fought against, that he survived. He knew the world needed him. But apparently, now it needs him to die. Had he been offered this before Cedric, Sirius, Dumbledore, Mad-eye, Dobby, Remus, Tonks and Fred were killed, Harry would've done the same then.

So he had to suffer the guilt and mourn for them, just to die anyway. Harry should have been angry really, because Harry had been toying with death too much to fear it. But it was the fear of knowing he would die, scared of what people would think of him. Sure Hermione and Ron knew the truth, but Harry himself wasn't convinced this wasn't giving up. How would they be able to convince anyone else of the same thing?

But most of all, Harry was afraid of what happened after he was gone. Was this the right time to give himself up? Should he keep fighting until Nagini was killed, leaving only Voldemort himself to destroy after Harry was gone?

No, it had to be now. This could end tonight. Right here, right now. The thing that scared Harry most was soon to be found out. But Harry had to die first.

Harry saw a clearing, crowded by black cloaked figures. As he saw sight of them, they saw the sight of him and a low hum was the reaction. Stepping fully into the clearing he saw Voldemort at the front, slowly turning round to regard him.

Harry got to a good few metres ahead of him before stopping. The yells of disbelief from Hagrid was strangely muffled as the two icons stared down each other.

Voldemort was emotionless, not even evil could be seen in his expression. Both him and Harry recognised it as the end. It was the closest to an understanding that the both of them have had.

"The-Boy-Who-Lived..." he spoke slowly and deliberately "...come to die."

And then Harry closed his eyes and saw everything he was leaving behind.

He saw himself and his broom surging through the sky. Dipping, diving and gracefully hovering. The wind sweeping his hair across his face and brow, smiling all the way.

He saw his holly wand with phoenix feather core the day it and he were introduced. He remembered how it felt to use it. The joy it and he shared when they produced a patronus together. The way he mourned for it like a living thing when it broke a few months ago.

He thought of magic in general. The day Hagrid visited him and changed his life. The happiness and wonder of true magic was a powerful thing.

He thought of his friends. Dumbledore's army that would fight long after Harry was gone. The people who chose to risk their lives for him. The people who protected him, from himself sometimes.

Ron. His closest friend he'd had his entire life. The guy he laughed with, argued with, supported and owed his life to for so long. The guy who forgave him and stayed loyal to him, even when he had felt Harry had taken something dear from him. True friend.

Hermione. The girl who stole Harry's heart and protected it fiercely ever since. The girl who would do literally anything for him, and tell him he's an idiot all the while. The girl who could make-up for what Harry failed to do, and still put him on a pedestal for being the greatest wizard she'd ever known.

He'd see them all again one day, and remember what they did for him always.

With kind words floating in his ears from all those that adored him, and the warm feeling on his shoulder that was Ron's supportive hand, and the lingering tingle on his lips that he knew was Hermione. Harry waited for the end.

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"


	2. How did I imagine all that?

"Harry! Harry, can you hear me!"

Harry was confused and suddenly tired. How could the killing curse make someone feel tired, dead people don't get tired?

"Mark, he's waking up Mark."

Well that confirms it, Harry made it to the other side. His mother's voice eased him and relieved him. But who was Mark.

"Harry, can you open your eyes for mummy. There's a good boy. Get the nurse Mark!"

'Nurse? What the hell is going on?'

Harry forced open his eyes blinded by light all of a sudden. But the exposure soon recalibrated and his blurry sighted eyes made out the a white ceiling.

Harry wasn't staring at it long before a red-headed woman blocked his view of it. An ear-to-ear smile beaming down at him. "My boy! Oh mummy has missed you so much."

Harry was equally happy to see his mum but his mind was also clouded in major confusion. As the woman hugged him Harry did the same and voiced "We spoke like five minutes ago. Remember, in the forest." Harry only just noticed how high his voice sounded from before.

"Oh of course sweetie, to you no time has passed. I should've known."

Harry looked around and what he saw confused him even more. "Where are we?"

"The hospital dear. You've been here a long time now." Lily pulled out of the hug and gave Harry a serious look. "But don't you worry, I saw to it that the spiteful brat Drake got what was coming to him."

"Drake?"

"Yes, that horrible git deliberately slammed his chair into the back of your head as you were picking up a pencil. Oh the school didn't believe there was any maliciousness in it, but they are blind to that boy sometimes."

"Chair? School? What are you talking about? I just-"

"Ahh, the bright spark has returned has he?" said a nurse the moment he stepped through the door. He was followed by a blonde haired man wearing a dark shirt and denim jeans. He immediately came to Lily's side and embraced her.

The whole time the nurse was checking on him Harry did not remove his scowl at seeing a stranger hold his mum so tightly. And Harry was perplexed as to why she was not letting him, but holding him back. "Who is that mum? Where's dad?"

Lily ended the hold to attend to Harry's question. "Oh, him" she said this in the most uncaring tone possible "he's been in and out but I don't know where he is now. I don't really care either."

Was she for real? The way she talks about Harry's dad made it seem like she despised him.

Harry was slowly starting to understand that Voldemort did not kill him as Harry thought he did. Now he had to work out what happened instead.

"Looking good little man. Oh, don't worry about not remembering too much, it's only natural after receiving severe head trauma. I will answer any questions you have as best as I can" the nurse informed him.

Well good, answers is exactly what Harry needed. "Why are my parents alive? Why isn't mum and dad speaking? Where's Ron and Hermione? What happened to Voldemort? Wh-"

"Woah little man, slow down" the nurse chuckled.

"Little man? I'm seventeen."

"Ok, but to my eyes and ears you are an eleven year old boy. You'll have to slow down and stop mucking about?"

'Eleven! Why am I eleven?!' Harry internally asked. He examined himself and sure enough Harry had his scrawny prepubescent body again. 'What did Voldemort do to me? He _had_ used the killing curse, right?'

"Right Harry, start from the top. We can help you" Lily softly told him as she takes his hand.

Harry just looks at the smiling blonde man with scrutiny "who is he?"

Lily glanced up at the blonde guy and said "this is Mark, Harry. You know Mark, he drives you to school everyday."

Apparently then this appears to be an alternative life, a life he apparently missed eleven years of. Harry needed to work out what the differences were. "You said drive? wouldn't I just take the train?"

"To go two minutes down the road Harry does not take a train, your not that lazy are you?" The man named Mark teased but Harry wasn't laughing. Harry really didn't like him, perhaps because he appeared to be where James should be. James his father?

"You're not my dad are you?"

"Hmm, his memory is worse than I thought. I will go speak to Dr Martins, won't be too long" the nurse said on his way out.

As he did so, Mark answered "No mate, like your mum said your dad is...somewhere else."

Harry wanted to know what happened to apparently break up his parents, but he felt that would be something this version of him should know. Harry didn't want to look like an amnesia victim. But that might be exactly what he was here.

"Ok." Harry was setting up to ask about two really important people to him, but he had a feeling he wouldn't like the answer. He had to know though. "Am I...friends...with Ron and Hermione?"

"You mean the red-head and the bright girl from your class? I don't think they are your friends. But after all only you would know that." Harry excepted his mother's answer with a heavy heart. "Do I have _any_ friends?"

Lily squeezed Harry's hand tighter "You're a wonderful young boy Harry...I'm sure one day soon you'll find someone who will see the same."

So that's a no. Harry was getting more distressed with every question he asked, so he took it easy on his mum for now.

But it left Harry to think this had to be some sort of dream or magical test... because after all "how did I imagine all that?"


	3. Live in it

Harry was 'home' again. Dr Martins had allowed to let Harry get used to home life to see if his possessions triggered his memory. Harry appreciated his enthusiasm but he had a good feeling that they wouldn't do a thing. But out of the hospital meant opportunities to find more information about this new life, or even find out what's behind it all.

Harry was sure that he was living in a fantasy, ironically less fantastical than his magical life. Harry didn't like referring to it as previous because that implied that he was dead and would never return. Whilst that could be true, it also might not be.

But his conviction in believing this to be some crazy dream he couldn't escape was challenged simply by the logic of why this would happen instead of...well death. Harry didn't see Voldemort curse him, but he did hear the words and feel the impact. Even so, Harry knew Voldemort quite well. If Harry Potter, his arch nemesis, stood in an open space without any intention to avoid what was coming his way. Nobody to save him, nothing to stop the evil wizard. A man angered and frustrated and full of loathing for Harry. He wasn't going to do anything _but_ kill Harry.

Voldemort did use the killing curse, Harry was certain of that. So if he couldn't explain what happened from the magical life that got him here, then the answer must lie in the life he finds himself in now. This was either some test orchestrated by some powerful magical entity, or Harry truly did just dream all about the wizarding world.

When Harry was released he didn't recognise where he was. Clearly he was in England, and he heavily suspected they were in London too. But what area or district Harry hadn't figured out yet. He and his mum got into Mark's silver BMW and Lily treated Harry to a McDonald's.

"So what Happy Meal do you want kid?" Mark said through the windscreen mirror.

Harry couldn't help but feel a tad embarrassed about being asked for a kids meal "Er...could I just have a wrap or something?"

"Of course Harry. And Mark you know he never has Happy Meals, don't take the mickey just because he can't remember very much" Lily chastised the blonde man good-naturedly.

"I knew you'd give me away" Mark smirked. A smirk Harry found very annoying.

Whilst in the local McDonald's the two Potters and Mark found a window seat with their food in front of them. Lily and Mark were on one side, and Harry on the other. Harry didn't have much of an appetite so he began asking more questions. "Are there any bad men that we know?"

Mark finished chewing a mouthful of a Big Mac and replied "depends, what do you class as a bad man?"

"I don't know, like...criminals"

"No Harry, we don't know any criminals. Why would you think that?" Lily asked him.

"It's just...I think I dreamt...when I was unconscious. There was this evil man...called Tom...and he wanted to hurt me" Harry tried his best to make it sound like something an eleven year old would ask, instead of coming out with 'do we know a very evil man that wants to kill me?'

Lily frowned the moment Harry said the name Tom. "Where did you hear that name?"

"He told me his name...in the dream."

She shot Mark a look Harry couldn't identify, but Mark also looked perplexed. "Why are you looking at me?"

"Because he must have gotten that name from somewhere, he hasn't spoke to James in months and you're the only other person who knew."

"Knew what?" Harry asked, finally he was getting somewhere.

Mark was still getting flamed by Lily's eyes. Mark defended himself anxiously "Tom is a common name, he could've made it up."

"Tom Riddle" Harry quickly shot out, kind of liking the treatment Mark was getting.

"Mark!"

"Ok ok, I might've told him. But Lily he deserved to know, it affects his life too."

Interestingly that is the first thing Harry's come out with that's had some sort of real connection to the Harry in this existence from before the head trauma. This version of Harry had been told about this life's Tom Riddle, if this life was his true one then this is the first bit of evidence that could support it. But to know for sure Harry had to know more about _this_ Tom Riddle.

"Hold dare you go behind my back and tell my son something that's nothing to do with you!" Lily yelled.

"Lils" Mark hissed "don't make a scene. We can discuss it at home."

Lily looked around at the faces of strangers all trying too hard to pretend they hadn't noticed her outburst. Brewing with rage Lily said "come on Harry, you can finish your fries and coke in the car. We're leaving."

In an uncomfortable silence Harry was driven to his home. Before long though Harry recognised the neighborhood very much, as he'd already grown up in it from his magical life. Privet Drive.

As they pulled up Harry was about to tell himself how glad he was the Dursley family didn't seem to live here, when he was quickly shut down. On the other side of the fence was Vernon Dursley washing his car. Lily ignored him as she got out but Mark waved to him "Hello Vernon".

"Alright there Mark, brought young Harry back I see" even in this life Harry could tell when Vernon was being insincere. 'Great, instead of having an Uncle and Aunt that hates me, I've got neighbours who hate me. Actually, perhaps that _is_ better'.

In some ways Harry was glad to see Vernon, only because it was another difference that Harry could evaluate later on.

Once inside the house Harry was met with the same interior that he grew up in the magical life. Everything from the cupboard (that was legitimately a cupboard, not a makeshift bed) to Dudley's old and now his own room. Weird was the reoccurring thought that came to mind in Harry's brief existence here, and it came back now.

He's currently living in the same house he lived in from the magical life, except he lived with his mum and her partner, next door to his aunt and uncle...were they still his aunt and uncle, surely Lily and Petunia were sisters in this existence as well? Another thing to find out.

Harry was halfway up the stairs when Lily stopped his ascent "Harry, me and Mark are going to be having a very serious chat. I'm going to close the door but I want you to stay upstairs until I call you down, okay?"

"But mum...I thought you were going to tell me about Tom Riddle" Harry repliee, why he was so good at playing an eleven year old Harry didn't know.

 _Was_ he playing an eleven year old, or was he becoming more _of_ one?

Lily gritted her teeth before hiding it behind tight lips and calmly replied "later okay, after I speak to Mark. Stay in your room, I'm sure you've missed it anyway.

Harry nodded and completed the ascent. Harry may not have witnessed a domestic row between a loving parent and a guardian before, but Harry knew what 'stay in your room' meant when adults want to 'have a serious talk'.

Harry's new room was similar to his old, except it looked much more personal and lived in. He didn't have Hedwig perched in a cage by the window, but he did have many film posters and actors on the walls. He had many, many cool toys even by a normal Muggle boys standards. But the most shocking yet interesting was the wall colours.

Red parallel walls perpendicular to gold.

Harry wanted to analyse what he had learnt so far, but the colours had triggered something else as well. It made Harry instantly wistful, and the full significance of what has happened bore down on him.

Everyone he ever knew was either undiscovered or different. Nobody was going to be the same as they were in the magical life, and Harry was sad and afraid of the thought.

Harry would never wave a working wand again. Or brew a potion. Perhaps magic did exist here but Harry would obviously never know because he's a muggle.

He didn't have any friends here, that was confirmed by his mum. He had lost a lot of people who used to care for him, and that Harry still cares for.

Seeing this Ron and having to remember that he wasn't going to jump up and give him a friendly slap on the shoulder "Alright mate". They weren't going to talk Quidditch strategy or set-up a game of wizards chess that Ron would always win.

And Hermione. Harry felt tears pooling knowing for a fact she was not going to immediately look to him the moment he entered a room and smile at him. He already could not bare looking into her eyes and not seeing her return the warmth, when he did see it Harry may literally breakdown.

For all he knew, and likely too, they both didn't even like him.

The pain soon got to him and Harry crumpled onto the bed, unable to stop the flow of tears. He cried in his child form for a solid ten minutes before someone cleared their throat behind him.

Harry readjusted his glasses and wiped his cheeks before raising up from his bed and seeing a relatively small boy with buggy blue eyes and a wide smile. "Hello Harry, welcome back."

Harry's voice wobbled "who are you? How did you get in here?"

"Don't be telling me you don't remember, I'm the secret to your success."

"My success?"

"Oh, you really don't remember. Well" the boy clapped his hands and turned "time to refresh that memory"

He walked over to Harry's desk, littered with papers. He beckoned Harry over which he did. "You know me as Corby, but others don't know me at all."

"So my mum doesn't know you're here?"

"She's heard of me through you. But she's never seen me."

"I don't think my mum would let me talk to another boy that she hasn't personally met" Harry told him disbelievingly.

"That's the beauty of it, she knows she'll never meet me and she's okay with that because her boy is a child after all."

Harry just blinked. He had a feeling Corby was trying to hint as much as he could without actually telling Harry directly what he was explaining. Corby himself tired of it too. With an eye roll he said "Harry Potter has an imaginary friend."

Corby was expecting surprise but Harry just calmly responded "Oh, well nice to meet you."

"Did you hear me right? I'm not pulling your leg, I really am imaginary. Look,"

Corby made grabs at the desk chair but his hand was like gas to it. "See."

"Oh I believed you the first time. But I've seen many things that surprised me more than being visited by an imaginary friend" Harry explained.

"Oh yeah, what have you seen that I haven't?" Corby was smugly waiting for Harry to admit he was lying.

Harry thought the idea over. Should he tell Corby? After all he can't tell anyone, and since when does an imaginary friend care if the guy who imagines him is crazy. Crazy people are where imaginary friends exist the most. This way Harry could ask Corby the questions without having to work everything out of people whilst phrasing it like an eleven year old should.

But then Harry just thought of something "wait, if you are imaginary you are from inside my head. You already know what I have seen."

His smug smile proved its relevance by widening "hence why I said 'what have you seen that I haven't'"

"So...you know that I only remember the last few hours of this life. That I've lived another for seventeen years as a famous wizard-"

"-destined to face Lord Voldemort. Which you should've succeeded by the way, but I suppose you can't help what awakes you from your dreams" Corby finished.

"It-it wasn't a..." Harry's sentence drifted off.

"You, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger were the Golden Trio. All students at Hogwarts in Gryffindor. You were the seeker of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, the youngest in a century. You lived as an orphan, raised by your abusive aunt and uncle who tried to make you believe you were worthless, and magic was not real. Shall I go on."

"No" Harry told him with an annoyed tone "You know all that stuff because you can see inside my head."

"That's where you're wrong Harry. I know all that because I helped you bring it to life."

"What are you talking about?"

Corby moved back from the desk and said "take a look."

Harry tentatively stepped up to the desk and started rearranging the papers. What he saw on them shocked him.

On one sheet of paper labelled "concept art" there were drawings. He recognised two accurate drawings of two brooms he once owned; Nimbus 2000 and Firebolt. A drawing of a white and black outlined stag with a tag called "Harry's Patronus". A drawing of the Deathly Hallows symbol, lines pointing out "wand", "cloak" and "stone". The Gryffindor crest in extreme detail was labelled as "Harry's house". There was even a scruffy drawing of Buckbeak the Hippogriff.

All the labels were in Harry's own handwriting.

Harry moved onto another sheet titled "Character backstory, page one". It was a list of five very familiar names, and a few lines of description about their back story. All of them exactly how Harry remembered them being. It didn't help that the five names were Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, Luna Lovegood and Albus Dumbledore.

There was even a star by Hermione's name and it linked to another star at the bottom. "Future Mrs Potter".

There were many more papers but Harry could not bare to look at them. He turned his back on the desk and held onto the edge of it. He felt like he was going to hyperventilate but he managed to get out "it can't be true, it can't."

"Of course it's true. Harry this is brilliant, you got to actually visualise the story as we created it" Corby positively told him.

"You're lying! I don't belong here, I want tp go back! It's you isn't it, you are trying to break me emotionally and mentally by putting me through some freakshow!" Harry accused.

"Oh Harry. You've experienced so much in that dream that you truly believe it all happened". Corby had genuine concern on his face as he tried to explain "I really wish I could tell you this is all fake, but mate... _this_ is your life."

Harry was still denying, still pleading "why would I create all this? I'm not a writer."

Corby looked like he wanted to hug Harry, had Corby owned a solid body at that moment he would be. "This life hasn't been good to you Harry, you had nobody to support you after your parents divorced. You became depressed at such a young age. That's when you created me. That's who you are, you create the people that you want to care for you, even when the real version wants nothing to do with you."

"Shut up" Harry fired back at him.

"Harry, I know how real it is to you. But I'm telling you, it's as real as I am. I'm not real Harry, I'm here because your subconscious is trying to convince yourself to see the truth. Don't you see, your active mind is blocking out all the memories of this life because it preferred the one we created. Your subconscious is the only thing you have that you can trust."

Harry stopped attacking Corby with words and kept listening. "You're scared because you think that if the magical world was fake that means your feelings were based off of fiction. But Harry, look at what you wrote."

Harry looked back at the back story paper and read aloud. " _Ron Weasley-the youngest son of a family of nine. Poor, and with a reputation for a lack of talent, Ron wants to prove to himself, his family and the world that he is an achiever."_ The real Ron Weasley" Corby began to explain "lives in the grotty part of South London, in a house not big enough for the seven kids of the family. He is always at the bottom of class at school and he is bitter because of it. You put him in the story to be your best friend, you felt you could help him do better and be proud for being someone nobody else could be to the hero of the story."

Harry read out the next one " _Hermione Granger- A top mark student at Hogwarts notoriously known as a Muggleborn, she is unfairly treated by other students because of her heritage, she bests them all. Hermione wishes to be the brightest witch but her secret wish is to be recognised for what she is, even if it is just one person who sees her."_ "Remember when she confessed her feelings for you; she said you saw her better than anyone, and she wanted to be better for you. That isn't a coincidence Harry. That's what you've always wanted her to know. You've crushed on Hermione Granger since you were eight. And her muggle-born status was actually a metaphor for the fact she is adopted. Her real mother and father abandoned her and she was raised by a West Indian family. So a witch born through muggles was a white girl raised by black parents."

Realisation had already kicked in with Harry but he stubbornly read out the next character. " _Draco Malfoy-_ _Fiercest rival at Hogwarts for Harry with his family and friends on the bad side of the war. He looks to his father as a role model, but comes to realise in years to come that some men aren't worthy of your respect, even if they are your blood."_ "Drake Mallory-Foyle, the guy you have to thank for putting you in all this mess. You got him dead accurate in the story, except this Malfoy hasn't and is never likely to change."

Harry physically couldn't argue with Corby, he knew more about this world then Harry did. Harry knew his own handwriting and the evidence was astounding.

But denial was Harry's only hope of holding on, even though what he was holding onto faded more and more with every second he lived in this place.

"I felt pain. Time was continuous, no jumps. I walked or travelled off my own free will. I lived every day to get up to the point where I was sent here. It just COULDN'T have been a dream."

Corby sighed and folded his arms. "If I can't convince you that what you experienced was a dream, then lets use your own logic here. Pinch yourself."

"Corby," Harry began but the smaller boy spoke again "Come on, pinch yourself. One of them has to be the dream right."

Harry dug his nails into his forearm, squeezing and twisting and sure enough feeling pain. "Let's go through the rest, since the hospital you have travelled in completely unedited time, have walked and done as you please. And I suppose your only solution to validating your last point is for you to live every day of this existence as well. So basically Harry to teach yourself the truth about this life, you are gonna have to live in it."

"I'll never go back?" It wasn't even a question really.

"If it's such a part of you now, you can bet you'll see it again. In your dreams."

"Harry" came the call of Lily from the bottom of the stairs. This exhausting conversation had just come to an end.

In a much cheerier voice Corby said "come shout me later yeah."

Harry nodded sincerely. He needed Corby now, only with his help can Harry begin to move on in a life so foreign to him.

He watched Corby fade into the sunlight streaming through the window before opening the door and heading down to meet his mum.


	4. I can break you all over again

Harry slowly edged the door open and slid through. Lily was dabbing her red eyes of the lingering tears whilst she sat on the sofa, Mark was beside her and rubbing her back comfortingly. He nodded for Harry to take the armchair and Harry did.

The more Lily cried the more protective Harry grew. He silently glared at the hand on her back, waiting for her to finish composing herself. His irk towards Mark was still present, and Harry felt it was different somehow to genuine dislike. Maybe his subconscious was trying to tell him something. 'Your subconscious is the only thing you can trust now' was Corby's own words.

"Come on love" Mark encouraged and Lily began to work her courage up. "Ok, I've got to tell him. He should know the truth." She took a deep breath and added "Harry, you wanted to know who Tom Riddle is. I will tell you...but you can get mad and leave anytime and I won't stop you."

There is no way Harry could leave without knowing, especially because of how big of a deal it seems to be. Also this is who Voldemort was based on; Harry was ready for anything."I won't leave mum."

Lily was still struggling to open up so Mark started it off. "You thought Tom Riddle was a bad man Harry...well, he isn't. Not according to your mum anyway."

"He was the sweetest man I've ever known. Oh Mark is lovely and funny, and James had his charming looks, but Tom was...a wonderful man." Lily's explanation was incredibly heartfelt. Harry's brain began to fry.

Lily continued "but not only that Harry, I loved him. I was head over heels...and I shouldn't have been. I hadn't long gotten married to James. But Tom swept me off my feet, and I feel guilty everyday for allowing it to happen whilst still with James." Lily then smiled at Harry warmly and said "but I don't regret a single thing." Harry became suddenly nauseated, he didn't really know why but some sort of recognition in that smile triggered it.

"Is that why you and dad divorced?"

"Well, sort of. I mean he didn't catch us but I...I had to tell him...eventually."

"About the affair?" The word offended Harry as it left his mouth, there was more than a bit of anger for his mum now. For the first time ever he felt ashamed of her, and he never thought that would ever happen.

"Yeah...the affair. But it was what pushed me to tell him that he was most mad about?" Lily was completely shameful in finally coming clean. Harry did not like where this was going, the nausea only intensified. "What was that?"

Lily hesitated and cried out in a sob "That I was pregnant!"

Harry felt like he'd apparated for the first time again. Harry was actually eating his thoughts from earlier. He could have accepted millions of other alternative lives where Voldemort was a liontamer, a Hollywood actor, an alien, or an opera singer.

But this...this...being an actual thing. Harry Potter being the son of his mortal enemy. That. Was. Insanity.

"I'm his son?" Harry might've got the wrong end of the stick, and he hoped he bloody well had.

"Yes Harry. Tom Riddle is your biological father."

Harry absolutely exploded with emotion. "My dad is Tom Riddle! Tom Marvolo Riddle! The most evil sorcerer of all time and my mortal enemy Lord Voldemort, and you're telling me I'm his son!" Harry knew he'd revealed too much, but if Lily or Mark were not expecting it they were damn good actors. They only seemed concerned with how angry Harry got.

"Harry, sweetie. 'Lord Voldemort' was a very wonderful person, he would've made a great dad to you I know it" Lily replied. "Mark told me he caught you using Tom Riddle's name in your story. I didn't know you'd hate him this much to see him that way."

Out of all that information, the one thing that piqued Harry's attention most was "would've made? What happened to him?"

Lily became sad again "he died before you were born."

Did Harry feel bad for internally being relieved? No way. He was glad he didn't have to know the man and be nice to him. No matter what, Harry was not going to change his feelings on people from his magical life, just because they were different here. And that definitely went for Voldemort too.

"Ok, but why was I never told this?"

"Because you loved James so much. Even if I no longer care for him i'm not going to ruin your time with him" Lily replied.

Mark challenged her "Why not? You said yourself he's only ever built Harry in his own image to hide the fact he's not his real son."

"Mark! It's Harry's choice...and I didn't say it like that. I just said James can be too obsessed sometimes."

"The boy knows the truth now, he doesn't ever have to go to him again."

"Yes I do!" Harry barked. He needed to locate his dad...biological and non-biological now. Also it looked like his dad was the victim in all this, and didn't deserve Mark's criticisms.

"You see Mark. He loves James and James loves him. To Harry, James is his dad" Lily turned back to Harry "that's why I didn't want to tell you; I didn't want to break your heart."

"Or make me hate you for what you did" Harry added.

Lily nodded and looked Harry in the eye. "Do you?"

Harry indeed was conflicted. Harry didn't hate her because he felt she wasn't the true Lily. His mum Lily died when he was one trying to protect him, and that's the Lily that Harry knew. But this was apparently the real Lily, and if this Harry had found out about all this before his head injury then it would make some sort of sense that he'd kill off his parents in the story.

James and Lily's marriage died because of Tom Riddle.

But why then did he come up with Tom Riddle trying to kill him? Why was Tom Riddle his mortal enemy in the story if Harry knew he was a nice guy?

His mum looked more and more crestfallen the longer Harry waited to answer, and it aggravated Mark. "Harry, answer your mum's question. You don't hate her."

"No mum, I do not hate you" she cried in relief and clutched Mark tight "but I..." Harry was about to question her on the readon behind Tom Riddle being Lord Voldemort, but was sidetracked by the appearance of Corby coming up from behind the sofa. He was mouthing to Harry something like 'it was him' whilst pointing at Mark as he comforted Lily.

"Err...mum. Can I go now?"

Lily pulled out of the hug and tried yet again to compose herself. "No Harry, I'll be fine. I know you don't like me crying, I'll stop. We were thinking of going to the supermarket...get some dinner in and some milkshake."

"Actually mum" Harry chance a skittish look at Mark "I've got a bit of a headache. I just want to lie down."

"Oh, okay sweetie. Go and lay down, I'll come and put a film on for you to watch in your room."

Mark stopped her getting up "don't worry hun, I'll put it on for him."

Harry tried to object "no its okay, I'll put one on myself."

"I've got to give you a paracetamol tablet anyway mate, go on up and I'll bring it to you."

Harry wanted to discuss what Mark's deal is with Corby, who was suggesting sinister motives from Mark. But Harry felt he could learn first hand what his problem was. It's that sort of thinking that put Harry in danger in the magical life; some things just never change.

So Harry headed to his room to wait. He had barely stepped through the door when Corby bounded up to him. "You should never let yourself be alone with him. The moment he starts anything call for your mum, you got that?"

"Yes, but what-?"

"No time, just do as I say. You'll find out soon enough."

Harry turned towards the slow heavy footsteps on the stairs and as he turned back, Corby was gone. Harry made a beeline for the bed and laid on it just in time for Mark to walk in. "Here you are mate, got you a glass of coke as well."

Mark closed the door and the atmosphere changed instantly "right you snitching little toerag, time for our own little heart-to-heart". He put Harry's glass on his desk and bared down over the boy. He lifted Harry by his shirt and thumped him back against the headboard. "You can't even remember your own name, yet you still grass me up to your mum."

Harry had expected verbal abuse, but not man-handling. Harry just flared his nose and glared back at him. Apparently that was new to Mark "ooo, wee Potter finally grew a spine. But of course, you don't remember. You don't remember anything. How very beneficial."

So Harry from before was scared and intimidated by this abusive man; magical Harry had much experience with abuse. In fact, he doubted Mark could be any worse than Vernon used to be. "You don't scare me."

"I don't? Well that's not very good for you then. That just means I've got to remind you of what you _should_ be scared of." Mark ripped his belt from his waist, pinning Harry down with one hand. "The best part of amnesia is that I can break you all over again."

Mark raised his belt just as Lily called from the stairwell "Mark, work is calling you."

Friendly bloke Mark was back again as he called "on my way now hun."

Mark released Harry and returned his belt to around his waist. "Looks like you avoid a beating for a little while longer. Enjoy your coke won't you." Just as he said that he deliberately knocked the glass and its contents spilled all over his papers.

Harry didn't really care about the coke, but the papers were vital information Harry needed to understand more of why he created what he did. So as Mark left Harry quickly attended to the soggy papers and searched for the nearest radiator.

As he draped the papers over the radiator, waiting for it to turn on, Corby spoke up from behind again. "You really are the Harry from the story, why didn't you call out?"

"I needed to know his motives right? What better way than get it from the source."

"I could've told you and saved you the aggro. This isn't the Dursley's house Harry, there is someone downstairs who will have That out on his ear for hurting you."

"I can't start changing things before I know what they are. If it means I'm abused, then I'm abused. When I've learnt his story then I'll do something about him."

Corby groaned and said "you didn't know his story _before_ all this. We don't know what his problem is, and it shouldn't matter."

"There is a reason for everything Corby" Harry left it at that, standing up again and turning to Corby. "What day is it by the way?"

"Saturday."

"The date?"

"the fourteenth of January, two thousand and one."

Harry went to his desk and flicked through the papers that weren't wet "Two thousand and one? That means I was born in...nineteen ninety. My birthday is still thirty first of July, right?"

Corby nodded standing beside him now.

"So why is the story set during the nineties? Nineteen ninety one to be exact?"

"The main story ended in ninety eight, the year you decided to create the Harry Potter story. In your folder there is the first thing you ever wrote for this, backdated to second of May" Corby knowingly explained.

Harry recalled from his magical life "the battle of Hogwarts."

"The very same."

For the first time Harry felt like he was going to enjoy working all this out.


	5. What are you here for?

A week passed since Harry woke in his new life. And after a very intense and dramatic start, Harry had finally settled here. Harry first thought his time here would be a nightmare, or his own personal hell. But actual normalcy felt really good.

Harry had no sense of normalcy in the magical life. Normalcy was just another eventful day in class, which were never normal whatsoever. Normal in the sense of uneventful was this life. The ordinary feeling of a carefree day, lazy even, was an experience Harry easily got used to.

He missed Hermione like crazy, and Ron too. He missed having proper conversation with friends.

He missed magic so much, he never realised how boring yet tedious life is without it. He felt claustrophobic a lot, telling him he really needed a good hour on a broomstick. But they were all impossible things to get back.

Whenever those things played on Harry's mind too much, Corby was there to take away his sorrow. Harry was growing to like the imaginary guy more and more everyday. No wonder the old Harry enjoyed his company so much.

He had learnt Corby was a very good impressionist, which was very interesting because a lot of his voices apparently influenced some weird-talking characters. Dobby, Peeves, Kreacher, Griphook, Flitwick; all rather small characters Harry quickly worked out.

Once Harry had recovered from his mum's rather shocking secret, he very quickly started to adore her. He finally had a mother he'd always wanted. She was easily the best thing about this life...so far anyway.

And Harry was finally talked around about his approach with Mark. He promised Corby that he wouldn't intentionally put himself in a position to be harmed, but Harry reserved the right to hold back on informing his mum of the abuse until he had a good understanding of what it is Mark wanted out of the two Potters. Well, the one Potter and the one Evans, but she would always be Lily Potter to Harry.

By the end of the week Harry was happy again. Probably the happiest he'd been since his sixth year in his magical life when he and Hermione began their relationship. The most concerning thing though was Harry's memory. Whilst Harry understood and heard reports of what things were like before, he still could not picture them.

On top of that Harry seemed to be a different person to the old Harry, Lily and Mark had noticed this with a contrast of different feelings. Lily was pleasantly surprised and told Harry how she felt this new confidence and attitude would do him wonders at school. Whilst Mark often exchanged concerned words with Lily about it that never really seemed to have solid ground. Clearly his only worry was that it would be harder to bully Harry now.

When Harry went back to the hospital for a progress report and check-up, Dr Martins was not fazed by Harry's absent memory. She gave the all clear for Harry to be sent back to school, and a signed note was given to Harry to alert his school teachers of the situation. They were expected to be more patient with Harry because of his memory loss.

Harry started to dread the whole idea. At home Harry had two people to care for him, and he'd be sent off to somewhere he wouldn't have any. But not even that, Ron didn't sound like the brother he was in his magical life. He didn't get on with anyone Harry heard, he would be no exception. Draco, or Drake, was going to take every opportunity at break times to humilitate and attack him.

Neville was the same except he never stood up for himself and was just as introverted as old Harry was, if not more. Luna was a crazy girl who believed in fairies and unicorns, where they weren't supposed to be real in this life. And Hermione was rather cold. Sweet and caring only for the teachers.

Whilst Harry was adamant on his mission to restore people's attitudes back to the way they werein his magical life, he wasn't confident knowing that most of them wouldn't give him the time of day.

But Harry could not avoid it, once given permission to go back to school it then became a legal requirement. He had no choice. Amd he was quite curious to see what professors from the magical world taught at school.

On the Monday of his return to school, Harry got dressed into his uniform. A white shirt, black trousers, black tie with thin white stripes and a black blazer complete with black, white and blue badge. It was so ordinary and old-fashioned that the Hogwarts uniform had more life to it.

Harry got on with it though, scoffing up his breakfast and then collected his school bag. Lily was going to accompany Harry and Mark on the drive to school, as Harry was having to relearn the school's location and layout. She knew the school better than any of them.

That school was Hoggard's Warthesons Primary School. It had another school of the same people across the road from it, and that was the high school. Harry had the rest of year six to complete and then he'd be dropped on the opposite side of the road for the next five.

Harry saw where he got the name Hogwarts from clearly enough, but where did he get the idea of the castle from? He thought the castle on his badge was the reason at first but it looked too medieval to be Hogwarts. Too stereotypical of a castle.

And why did he place the school in Scotland, when its origin was down this way?

Mark pulled the car up to the pavement directly in front of the school and Lily quickly turned to Harry. "Try and enjoy yourself Harry, it's going to feel strange but once you know what you're doing and where you are going, it will be easier."

Harry nodded and allowed her to kiss his forehead. Mark cheerily sent his good luck, or pretended to, and then Harry was gone and slowly walking in the same direction as the other kids.

Lily outlined many times where Harry was meant to go, and Harry followed her instruction to the word. Through the front gates and head to the main doors on the far left building. Go down the second corridor before the stairs and you're in the art department. Just find the door 329 and he found his form class.

Harry had turned down that corridor and no longer needed to remember his mum's instruction. Harry saw his form class lining up outside. Harry wasn't used to this form class business, so it was explained to him that his form was where he registered that he had arrived at school. His classes through out the day replaced his form class, and those were his set classes.

Harry found out that Hermione and Ron were in his form class and all of his set classes. Which meant Harry understood where he got the Hogwarts houses from. For example Gryffindor and Slytherin classes in potions was two halves of two form classes in science. Because of this Harry knew he would have many opportunities to talk with or discover more about Hermione, Ron and Neville.

Harry was purposely not looking for familiar faces or body features. His eyes were on the ground and stayed there. He wasn't ready to see them, not yet.

Soon a familiar stern Scottish voice invited them in and it made complete sense that his head of house was his form teacher. The wall to the room was blocking his view of the door so he only heard her addressing people. "Seamus, wipe that ink of your jaw when you have a chance. Tuck your shirt in Dean, first thing in the morning is unexceptable. Lavender can you get the blinds open, thank you. Come on you lot, take your seats."

Harry rounded the corner and blinked at the sight of McGonagall wearing a long flowery dress. Her hair was still in its tight bun but the rest of her didn't look strict at all. She saw Harry as he entered. "Oh Harry, how lovely to see you back and recovering so well."

"Hi Prof-Miss. I've sort of...forgotten your um...name." Harry truthfully did not know her name in this life, he was under the assumption that any muggle sounding name was unchanged, and irregular names from the magical life were.

Harry handed over his doctors note to...the teacher.

She read it and soon understand. "I see, I'm sorry to see you're still struggling. Well I'm Mrs McGonally, so now you know what to call me" then she turned to the class and clapped "listen up everyone."

The buzzing of conversation faded right down and Harry kept his eyes firmly on the blackboard behind her, knowing certain eyes were on him now. "You all know about Harry's unfortunate accident a couple of months ago. Harry has recovered, and can attend school, however he is still feeling the consequences of his injury. You must all be extra kind and careful towards Harry. If he asks you a question, even if the answer should be common knowledge, then you must be considerate and polite in answering him. Does anyone wish to say anything to Harry?"

Silence and stillness continued for a few moments before a hand rose up, very high and very enthusiastically. Harry closed his eyes tight.

"Yes Hermione."

"I just wanted to say it is great to see you well again Harry. And welcome back."

Harry couldn't help it and staggered into the wall at the sound of her voice. McGonally was instantly concerned. "Are you alright Harry?"

"Yes...Mrs McGonally. Just dizzy." Harry was quick to answer her.

"Find a seat Harry, take the weight off your feet. I'll get on with taking the register..."

Harry dropped into a chair at an empty table, still recovering from hearing her voice again. His heart received a painful tug, even more so as he evaluated her words.

Harry knew Hermione Granger's speech traits. He knew her sarcasm, her wit, her teasing voice, her hurt voice, her bored tone. Harry knew it all. And he knew the one she used there was fake. Fake as a wand made of liquorice. It was exactly as Corby said, she puts on a nice face when the teachers are present. What she was really saying was 'I want Mrs McGonally to think I'm a very caring girl.'

Corby said that outside the classroom she could be mean, ignorant and even bullyish at times. There was not a mean bone in the body of Harry's Hermione, but that may be why she _is_ mean here. Children have crushes all the time, and they're mainly for those out of their league or bad girls. Any boy's mind could easily create a scenario where a girl liked him back in his mind, when the real life version remained unrequiting.

But Harry loved Hermione, and it broke his heart to know she was not a nice person here. Corby was encouraging by telling Harry she never seemed to be like that with him, but in a way it proves that she still didn't give him much thought.

But Harry recalled Hermione's backstory; her West Indian guardians that she gets grief over. Harry knew a defensive mechanism when he heard of one. Bad people usually don't get bullied. A good person can only pretend to be a bad one.

As Harry said before there's a reason for everything. Whilst Harry was still working out Mark, he had more of a picture with Hermione; something to go off. And it was Hermione, the most dearest person to Harry's heart. He wouldn't stop trying.

"Oi Potter, McGonally called your name you egghead" and there's the other dearest person.

"Ron Weasley, have you forgotten my request for patience with Harry already?" McGonally chastised, and softly addressed the black-haired boy. "Harry, you must answer when a member of staff calls out your name, even if we already know you are present."

"Of course, Prof-Mrs McGonally"

Now Ron, the only real difference between the two versions besides not being Harry's best friend, was his lack of self-esteem. Ron really struggled at school and he was hard on himself, and others, because of it. His case was simpler to identify but harder to remedy.

It seemed Harry had a lot of work to do at school, and he wasn't thinking about classwork either.

#

#

Science class with Mr Snape. Harry was not surprised, in fact it was the most similar subject that a former professor had taught. Flitworth taught English, Sproutley taught Geography, and McGonally taught Art. Only with the exception of Hooch and Binson, who taught PE and History, could have a better case of claiming the muggle equivalent subject of teaching.

Snape apparently wasn't insulting or degrading because in the muggle world he'd be quickly sacked. But he still wasn't all that pleasant, and did seem to have favourites. Harry wasn't one of them.

Harry was most curious about Snape then he was any other teacher, because where did he get that huge twist in the Harry Potter story from? Lily did not know the man personally, and neither did he know her any better. Harry was still getting over the surprise of Snape protecting Harry because of his love for Lily, now he had to forget it happened because apparently it didn't.

But Snape was further down Harry's list of priorities.

Snape's classroom was similar to potions class too, but much whiter and instead of cauldrons there were gas taps and other scientific appliances.

And a whiteboard, that Snape was currently writing on. His hair was virtually the same but his attire of a lab coat was starkly weird. Harry did his routine of seeking the teachers out and handing over his doctor's note. "Er sir" he said waiting beside him.

Snape didn't turn his head but he glanced out the side of his eye at Harry "Mr Potter, I hope you're not back to mack a mockery of my classroom."

'Straight away, come on' Harry internally groaned "No sir. I have to show you this."

Snape swiftly faced Harry now and practically snatched the note out of Harry's hands. He skimmed over it without a twitch of emotion before handing it back. "Take a seat Mr Potter, if you can remember where it is. Back row on the left corner, quick as you can."

Harry went to where he was instructed and Snape soon began the lesson. They were currently on biology and Snape was describing the organs and body parts associated with the circulatory system. Once Harry knew the topic he instantly was confused no longer. Harry knew about the heart and body, just because he was a wizard in a seventeen year dream doesn't mean he couldn't work out how his body worked.

After ten minutes Snape organised an experiment activity. Calculating heart rate and what affects it. It involved getting into pairs and doing different exercises differing in intensity. Snape was choosing partners and came to Harry.

"Hmm, Potter will need someone that knows what they are doing...but I don't want to put you with someone who's going to do all the work for him" Snape soon reached a solution "Mr Lowebutten, you have you're partner."

'Neville' Harry thought. Nevan Lowebutten was the exact person that Neville Longbottom was. The class fool but not thick. Harry was not bothered by the selection one bit.

Nevan moved to beside Harry, giving him a smile. Harry returned it. Snape finished off pairing people up and commenced the experiment.

Harry went to fetch the equipment and Nevan came with him. As they walked he spoke his first sentence "My gran has amnesia."

Harry was taken a bit surprised but replied. "Do you live with your Gran?"

"Yeah. It's not really amnesia actually, dementia is what it really is. But they're similar."

Harry nodded "Yes, it sort of is."

"So did you forget everything, or just some things?" Nevan asked as he picked up a stop timer.

"All my memories are gone, but I didn't forget everything. Like, I still know what things are, but I forgot how I learnt them. The events of my life aren't there, but the rewards are." That's the best Harry could come up with, and it technically wasn't lying.

Nevan breathed in awe "that's wicked." He saw Harry's raised eyebrow and added "bad of course, don't get me wrong. But it's kind of fascinating too."

Harry smiled in amusement "I'm glad I fascinate you."

They took the equipment back to their woek station. "Why did you come back to school if you can't remember anything?"

"I'm perfectly healthy, my memories can come back at anytime. If I'm healthy I can come to school."

"But you don't remember any of it?"

Harry replied no, then felt sudden confusion. "Wait, how did you know I had amnesia? I've only let the teachers know, and they haven't said anything?"

Nevan guiltily reddened. "Err, you left your note on the table in Maths when you went to the toilet. Drake took it and read it out before he was told off and made to put it back."

Harry deflated and put his face in his hands "so everyone knows."

"Yeah."

It didn't really bother Harry that people knew, only that _some_ people knew that he hadn't banked on telling just yet.

"You know this could be like a second chance for you" Nevan voiced honestly.

"To do what?"

"Make friends."

Harry thought about it fir the first time. His instinct was to agree because he intended to do so after working everything out, but it wasn't until Nevan said it that Harry saw a huge complication. "You are all the same people Nevan, none of you have lost their memories. It's a clean slate only for me."

"Is it?" Nevan rhetorically replied. "In truth nothing has really changed here, you were so quiet that nobody knew anything about you. It's why some pick on you. But now they do know something. I've only spoken to you for five minutes and I already know more about you than I ever did."

Harry listened intently to Nevan's words, appreciating every word like a drought appreciates water.

"I'm actually stunned that you're talking me. That accident did you wonders. You now can make friends, something you didn't have before. And what you here for if not to make friends?"

"Neville, you're absolutely right."

"It's Nevan."

"Yeah, sorry. Nevan." Harry chuckled along with him.

He was right. Harry's attitude had changed, for the better. People don't know the old Harry, so knowing the new Harry will be much easier to take in. And as if to prove that, Harry already made a friend on the first day.

If he could get to know Hermione and Ron properly, as well as the others, his life will feel restored. Whole again.


	6. Magic is in the mind

After befriending Nevan, the rest of the school day passed uneventfully. Harry though still expressed his excitement with Lily, who had a case for being happier about it than he was himself. Given that Harry has regained one person from his magical life that gave him more hope and confidence in his plans, being happier than he felt at that moment was no small feat.

Lily spoiled Harry rotten that night, the boy might've actually felt guilty but was enjoying it too much to care. They went straight from school to the cinema, spending two hours of comedic film entertainment stocked up with sugary goodies and beverages. Then it was back home to an evening of board games, music and pizza.

All because Harry made one friend.

The only dampener on the evening was Mark. He wore his public friendly image the whole time, and it only succeeded in Harry getting riled up inside. So when he got an urgent call demanding him to do a night shift at work, Harry gratefully thanked the unknown boss.

With Mark out the way, Harry could find out more of how this 'relationship' came to be, but wording and timing was key to this scheme. And Harry truthfully didn't want to take too much time away from his enjoyment of the evening.

Finally, they were amidst a game of Scrabble and the opportunity presented itself. No longer looking at his letters or the board, Harry asked "where did you meet Mark, Mum?"

Lily disguised her surprise well "Harry, you really want to talk about gooey love stuff on a night like this?"

Harry shrugged "I woke up and he's like my step dad or something. I know nothing about him." Lily gave him a sympathetic smile. She reached over and pinched his cheek "since you woke up Harry, I've been questioning whether I know anything about _you_."

Harry knew it was meant as a compliment, but he felt wounded a little at her statement.

"We met at the beach actually, in Magaluf. It was your first holiday and you found it so exciting you couldn't bear being by my side, watching other kids swimming and playing. This one day you went missing for three hours. That's when I met Mark."

Harry didn't think it sounded like this version of himself at all, and he voiced this to her. "Why was I suddenly so confident speaking to other kids?"

"You didn't exactly talk to them. But they weren't like the kids at school, they had the language barrier to focus their scrutiny on." Harry didn't like the way that sounded, was he so scrutinised by people that it took a language barrier to prevent it?

Harry had also gotten used to his mother's conversation traits, specifically the many tangents she relentlessly got lost in. "We still keep in touch with Bernardo, his family wrote to us when you were in hospital. Anyway I went to ask the bar people if they'd seen you; I knew they'd know who to look for. Mark was ordering his drink and asked if he could help."

"Just like that?"

"Yeah. I mentioned you were missing and he instantly got involved, asking what you looked like and what you were wearing." Lily intercepted Harry's enquiring look "I know what you're thinking, but he had a real protectiveness towards children, ever since his own son died a couple of years earlier."

Harry contained his disbelieving laugh, 'protecting children' until he gets steamy with their mums. But hearing about the son of Mark intrigued Harry, he wasn't going to be given that explanation through his mum.

"We found you collecting shells" she pointed at Harry and added "You got a scalding and far less freedom after that."

Harry couldn't care less about a holiday he never remembered having. "Then what?"

"The rest of the holiday happened and Mark spent the whole time with us."

"The whole time? Didn't he have his own family with him?"

Lily shook her head. "He was on a stag-do over there but there was some sort of complication with the return flight. He had to wait a few more days to go home; he was there all alone but he just took it in his stride. That's Mark through and through."

Harry agreed. Codswallop through and through.

Lily's face became concerned and she finally addressed the elephant in the room. "I thought it would be different for you two after you woke up. But if anything, you dislike him more. I just never understood why."

Harry blankly stared back. He could hear a voice that sounded suspiciously like Corby's, yelling at him to tell her. But there was a bigger picture to consider. Before Harry learnt of Mark's abuse he disliked the man for a completely different reason. And he wanted to tackle that more than anything.

Harry supplied "I just thought I'd see my dad there. I didn't know who he was, but I wanted him there. Mark was there instead."

Lily sighed in response and took Harry's hands into her own. "You always did love James. Memory or no memory, you never stop."

Harry thought she'd finished that thought because of the long pause, then she concluded. "But it's not Mark's fault Harry. It's mine, and partly James'. We couldn't overcome our relationship problems for you, we didn't stick at it and give you what you deserved. We were too busy arguing and struggling. He felt too betrayed by me to give you what you wanted, I wasn't ready to move on from Tom so quickly. By the time you were three, we'd divorced. James moved to Scotland and that made it difficult for you to see him, and I had no choice but to go to work to be able to feed you and support you. It's only because of Mark that that's changed."

Harry absorbed it all, indulging his instinct to let people speak their minds without judgement. Harry never condoned the things his mum was guilty of but she was his mum at the end of it all.

She continued, croakiness creeping into her voice as she spoke. "I was a bad mother, but not anymore. You deserve better than what we gave you, and your accident opened my eyes to that. That's why I've told James you'll be seeing him next weekend. And every weekend after that as well, if he's available."

Harry was ecstatic for many reasons. The obvious one being he actually gets to see his dad. That father and son bond Harry received from Sirius, with his actual dad. Well, his previous dad anyway.

Lily smiled warmly at the suddenly excitable schoolboy in front of her, but she then began to plead "I want you to give Mark some slack. He's a man with a heart of gold and we'd be god-knows where without him."

Harry quickly beat the irritation into submission before it could materialize physically. With a voice disguising the dishonesty perfectly, he said "I'll give him a chance."

She wrapped him up into a hug and he returned it. It was these moments that convinced him that this life he was in now wasn't the nightmare he thought it was. It wasn't heaven, but it certainly wasn't hell. All the people he cared about wouldn't be here at all if it was.

During this mother-son embrace Harry reflected on her mother's recent admission, and that's when he registered something interesting. "My dad...James, he lives in Scotland?"

Lily ended the hug and answered him. "Yeah, he moved up there to be close to his parents after the divorce."

"There isn't, by any chance, a castle near dad's place is there?"

Lily nodded in affirmation. "You always spoke of the castle when you came back home. You told me that it's so special that only special people could go there."

Now Harry was even more eager to visit his dad.

That week felt like fifty, and it would've felt longer had Harry's school days not been slightly bearable with Nevan's presence at breaks, lunch and some classes. Not only was Harry having to adjust to the new situation and atmosphere, simultaneously dodging out of awkward encounters with Ron and Hermione; he also had to get through the bullying.

Maybe the reason why wizard Harry stood up against bullies is because normal Harry envisioned a life in which he was brave enough to do so, and maybe the magic helped. He was constantly reminded that he could not use magic to solve his problems here.

Then again, magic didn't solve all problems anyway.

As gratitude for finding his first friend in this life, Nevan was allowed to come up to Scotland with Harry to see James. Lily paid the expenses, the train and bus fares, over the internet.

And Harry, ever since learning what it was, became obsessed with the internet. The ability to do anything you want by sitting in a chair and tapping and clicking, that was like a thousand Christmases at once.

Internet wasn't a thing in his magical life but he did get a couple of hours a day on Dudley's computer when home alone. But despite his mum's strict time restrictions, he could at least use the computer at any given time during the day.

Harry would mainly look up any outside details that were either the same or inexistent in both lives. But Harry was also making up the fun time he scarcely got with the Dursleys.

Eventually they made it to the weekend and Lily took the boys on an agonizing journey, far slower than the Hogwarts Express. But the Express _did_ only have one destination, without stops or changing trains. The actual speed of these electric trains really should've compensated though, considering it's far superior speed to the steam train to Hogwarts.

But Harry had to remind himself, again, that the Express was part of his own imagination. Therefore it was easily plausible that Harry underestimated the time it took for trains from London to arrive in Scotland.

So eight hours and three trains later; Harry, Lily and Nevan arrived in Inverness. And instantly recognised the beautiful rise and fall of green and brown. The Highlands made him homesick, he supposed for two separate reasons. It was easy to see why this Harry was inspired by it.

He found belonging in these mountains. And friendship. He fell in love in a location somewhere on these mountains. The saddening thing is all that was technically false.

"You okay Harry, you look blue sweetie?" Lily asked, resting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Harry knew that his misery was engraved on his face, so he couldn't simply deny it. But how do you begin to explain to someone that the greatest times of your life were fictional? "It's just taking so long."

"Oh Harry, I know it's been a long journey but we're minutes away now."

"This place is extraordinary, I could so live here forever." Nevan chirped from the other side of Lily, he had missed the interaction between mother and son because of the beautiful scenery. "Then again it would feel quite lonely...and eventually boring."

Harry smiled "Oh, you can certainly find friendship and adventure in these mountains, I promise you that Nev."

The peaks were soon replaced by buildings and streets. The pleasant lady spoke over the tannoy, informing the passengers of the next stop Inverness. And as they slowed and eventually stilled by the station platform, Harry and Nevan burst off the train like greyhounds out of their starting trap. They stopped so an amused and more leisurely Lily could catch up.

"Okay boys, I have your bags here. I'm going to give twenty quid to James for you Harry...Nevan has his money doesn't he?"

He nods and pats his jeans where his money currently resided. Harry has got much better at immaturing, which he felt slightly conflicted about considering how mature he had to become for Hermione and for being the Chosen One. "Why can't you give the money to me? Nevan gets to hold his."

"Your money is my money first Harold Potter. And you know how you lose things." Lily sternly told him.

Harry wanted to protest but he hadn't become _that_ immature. Besides she was only doing what mother's universally have to do, molly-coddle and embarrass their son in front of his friends.

Nevan looked too smug for Harry's liking.

"Right James said he'll meet us in the station cafe. I do hope there's only the one." She'd been like this all day. Harry couldn't work out if she was innocently picking at various annoyances that somehow related back to James, or trying to conceal slight digs at James. It could very easily be innocent, but Harry just sensed his mum could not help herself, despite her efforts to conceal her annoyance.

She lead them off the platform and very quickly came to the café. Lily craned her neck to see in, and gave a confirmative hum. She then held the door open for the boys.

After that Harry's eyes were for his dad...James. They searched through the bustling crowd until he spotted a bespectacled man drinking coffee with a woman, whilst he didn't look like the dad Harry envisioned he was still unmistakably James.

Harry made a beeline for the table he sat at, and halfway there James' eyes flickered in his direction and a warm smile appeared behind his mug. Harry gets to him and instinctively hugged his waist.

The man chuckled warmly and squeezes Harry once with his arm "look who's back, you missed me then did you?"

Harry pulled back "I missed everyone." He admired his dad's gel-spiked brown hair, rectangular rimmed glasses and colourful arm tattoos. He almost looked like a rockstar, except his clothes were expensive and not to be ripped.

"It's good to see you on your feet again. And I believe you've gained an inch since I last saw you." He ruffled Harry's hair as he spoke.

Lily and Nevan took positions behind Harry and James' eyes lose half the happiness. "Lily, good to see you. I know things must've been hard, how are you?"

Lily gave no warmth back "I coped James. It was a shame about your work schedule, you were one of the first people Harry asked for when he woke up."

"I know, the company was on the verge of liquidisation, I needed the hours or it was my head on the block." James regretfully explained.

Harry didn't want to look far into his priorities, it was understandable. Businesses needed commitment, especially in crisis. And the travel costs were staggeringly expensive and time-consuming.

Harry left it at that.

Almost as if forgetting there was another person with him, James gestures to the woman opposite. "You probably don't remember Bella, you only met her for the first time when you were here last."

Harry fought against a twitch in his left eye, and smiled at the black-haired woman with forced enthusiasm. She was all punk. Ripped jeans at the knees, leather boots, leather jacket, some band called My Chemical Romance on her tattered shirt. Her hair though was as crazy as he remembered, so was her skin tone as pale as Dracula's bride. Her eyes were dark with eyeliner, her nose was pierced and her face held some beauty in it.

Her voice shook him from head to toe "Hey Harry, my name is Bella, it's good to see you again."

Harry stayed silent, merely nodding awkwardly as a response. This is his second most hated person he had the displeasure of knowing, he knew behind closed doors she'll just be another Mark, abusing him every chance she got.

"So he really can't remember anyone?" James asked Lily, wanting to be certain that he hadn't misunderstood.

"Just a few names and faces" his ex-wife answered. "Like I said you were the first one he asked for when he woke up. He had no clue who Mark was, so of course he's not going to remember a woman he's only met once before. No offence." She aimed this at Bella, who shrugs it off.

"Really?" James said smiling behind his coffee.

Lily was either a telepath, as Legilimens are not real in this world, or she knew James too well. Before he could think long on this bit of info she informed "and he knows about Tom, so you can stop any ideas of making him believe you're his real dad."

He frowned in offence "I am his REAL dad. Not your heavenly sweetheart or your fuck-less buddy."

Lily gripped Harry's shoulders, her fingers like talons. He didn't know who she was offended for, Tom the sweetheart or Mark the buddy. But either way Harry wasn't going to be embarrassed, and he wasn't going to let Nevan feel uncomfortable. "Dad, this is Nevan. A friend from my class."

His smile returned with interest, shaking Nevan by the hand. "Indeed he is. How are you Nevan?"

"I'm good sir."

"Oh no, you're great and I haven't been knighted quite yet. So it's just James for now." Jame's joke went completely over Nevan's head, but James didn't seem to notice "you're first time in Scotland is it?"

"I've been to Aberdeen before, but not Inverness" Nevan replied.

"Blimey, you're more Scot than I am if you've been to Aberdeen. Well, we're glad to have you here Nevan, a friend of Harry's is a friend of mine."

"Thanks."

Bella spoke as if feeling forgotten...again. "James and I thought we'd go to Loch Ness for the weekend Harry. You and your Dad usually like to go camping there whenever you come up, long before I came along. I haven't been yet either, so it's my first time."

That was actually a really nice thought. Harry found the open Scottish air and the fresh waters incredibly appealing, and he'd actually see the castle that inspired such a vivid imagination he never thought he was capable of. But if she was coming Harry wasn't sure he'd enjoy it much.

"Well, he's got money he wants to spend. Thirty should last him two days. They're both to be back at Kings Cross by eight Sunday night, and at least one of you has to accompany them on the train back, no exceptions. Nevan has his own money too. If there's an emergency you contact me immediately." Lily laid down the orders, being the custodial parent she was going to make sure they knew who the boss was.

"Well there goes my evil plot to make them hitchhike home in a months time, I guess it'll have to be the train." James observed Lily, regarding him coldly and reinforcing her sincerity, to which he rolled his eyes "both home safely by eight Sunday evening, Kings Cross. Got it loud and clear."

Lily nodded at him acceptingly, then turned Harry around and bent to kiss his cheek. "Bye sweetheart. Stay warm if you're going camping, don't wander off by yourself, and just be safe. That goes for both of you." She turned to Nevan who nodded in understanding.

"See ya Mum. I love you."

She seemed to always be surprised when Harry said that, and the first few times she nearly cried. It appeared that Harry didn't tell Lily he loved her very much before the coma. "I love you too sweetie. Enjoy yourself. I'll see you Sunday."

She returned to full height and nodded stiffly at James and Bella. She said goodbye a couple more times to Harry and waved continuously until she was out of sight.

"Right" James announced "it looks like we're going to find old Nessy again. You two coming?"

"Nessy?" Harry enquired.

"Loch Ness monster. We thought we saw him a couple of years ago from the bank but it was just a black umbrella bobbling along. It's a long-running tradition now."

Nevan replied "no way does he really exist, he's just a myth."

"Kids these days, don't believe in anything they used to. No Santa. No Bogeyman. No Loch Ness monster" James pretended to disapprove.

"No magic" Harry stated, wanting to laugh but somehow not feeling the humour.

It was Bella who replied, smiling encouragingly "Magic is in the mind, if you believe in your mind then you believe in magic."

Bella's comment achieved something Bellatrix had never been close to with wizard Harry. Filling him with warmth.

"Magic is bogus. It's Nessy we're after" James said. "I have a good feeling this time."

Monster or no monster, this weekend was going to be incredible.


	7. Just speak your mind

Harry picked up his fifth stone. He examined this one much longer then he had the others, but he certainly wasn't admiring the stone and its slate coloured smoothness. He was feeling an emotional tornado tearing him inside out.

With the same level of ferocity he used to hurl the other four stones, the fifth followed their fate over the water. It bounced three times on the surface before disappearing into the depths of the lake.

But it still didn't satisfy him. The frustration and irritation remained ever large, as he glared at the spot where the stone sunk.

How could this be right? How could any of it? He wasn't referring to the place, the lochs and mountains were anything but dark and hateful. The world was ordinary, and Harry would've once sold a limb to know how a world like that felt.

But the changes, he hated them so much. Nothing was right, everything was backwards. Harry's heart couldn't take much more, which was saying something considering he once upon a time lost so much hope, and experienced so much horror.

But none of that was real was it. Harry couldn't begin to explain how much of a curveball he'd been pitched with. When would the twists and turns end, when? His parents being alive but divorced, and he somehow took it in his stride. His friends and girlfriend, the unsavoury strangers, that broke his spirit a bit. Voldemort being his biological father, very nearly put him on tipping point, but it helped that he was dead.

But Bella was too much. It appeared she wasn't at all the equivalent of Mark. She was amazing actually. Incredibly friendly and cool. She appeared to have found a second childhood stage in her early forties, but then again she still had a maturity of an adult. Harry doubted James could cope without Bella, else he'd be lost to the fairies or something.

She was perfect, that's exactly Harry's problem. He hadn't seen proof of how good a man Tom Riddle had been, according to his mum. So Harry could pretend he was this ogre who somehow brainwashed Lily into having an affair and conceiving a child. But with Bella it was first hand, Bella Black was nothing like Bellatrix Lestrange.

It made no logical sense. There had to be a defect on her personality somewhere. The Bellatrix he knew and hated was a monster, she tortured his girlfriend nearly into madness, defiled her with discriminatory abuse. How was Harry supposed to accept this person was nothing like that?

"Er Harry?" Nevan timidly asked, he had been watching Harry throughout his skipping stone frenzy, and only found the bravery to interact with him when the jets had been cooled

And there is another mind-boggling aspect to this freak show, Nevan adored Bella. Probably had a crush on her like any normal kid would. And he'd never met nor heard of Bella before yesterday. "Hey Nevan".

"Are...are you-?

"I'm okay."

Nevan couldn't have been convinced by that, and he wasn't. "You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Right."

A few moments of silence ensued before Nevan asked, more in hope of dispelling the awkward atmosphere than anything else "wanna head back...Bella said dinner will be ready by the time we got back. You know how good her cooking is?"

Harry felt the surge of annoyance seep through him and it ultimately spilled over. "That's right, she's simply brilliant, out of your league then."

Nevan shrugged off any hurt feelings Harry might've inflicted, and queried. "Is that why you're so mad?"

"What, about your crush? No, that's not what I'm mad about."

"What is it then?"

Harry sighed "you're better off not knowing".

Neville had given up on compassion now, and went for an impatient approach. "Fine, but I'm not missing out on perfectly good grub because of your foul mood. I'm going back, coming?"

Harry agreed he'd been wallowing by the water far too long. "Yes, alright."

The bank was a few hundred feet from the tent and that was the furthest distance they were allowed to venture to without James or Bella in tow.

When Harry found out about the evening BBQ plans he simply had to get away. He was seconds away from exploding. It started off with Bella insisting on cooking for them every mealtime. Then she became the medic by bandaging Nevan's bloodied finger. She chose each route and place to pitch their tent.

Bella. Bella. Bella. Bella.

"Jeez Harry, people can hear you moaning in London" Nevan told him as they briskly followed the trail back to the tent.

Harry didn't even know his inner cursing was actually being voiced. He didn't reply to Nevan, remaining silent as he consciously tried to portray his frustration non-verbally.

Nevan scoffed and shook his head, watching Harry from behind stewing in silence, similar to the meal that awaited them at camp. "You have been really weird on this weekend Harry. This could possibly be the most fun I've ever had, yet you act like this is detention or something."

Harry ignored him, looking determinedly ahead. A moment passed and Nevan spoke again, his voice trying to emphasize the excitement he felt. "I don't get how you can be anything but happy in this place. I know where I'm going when the world ends. But this isn't the end of the world Harry, so what's the matter?"

Harry sighed "do you ever just mind your own business?"

"Fine, be miserable, I don't care." He shot back.

Harry stopped abruptly, nearly causing Nevan to run into him. He turned to him apologetically and said "look, you really don't want to know about the issues I have with my family. It's not perfect, no matter how cool it may look to you."

Nevan rolled his eyes "a blind man could see the issues Harry. I get it, you hate that your parents are divorced."

Harry wished he could correct him and say it went far beyond that, but it was wise to keep all that's bothering him to himself. If he couldn't make sense of it all, how was someone who had no clue of the fictional world supposed to be able to.

But this anger was definitely the wrong way to go about dealing with his new life. When no living person could understand him, the worst thing to do was broadcast his emotions like he was doing. Harry only wished Corby was here, apparently his existence didn't continue outside the house where Harry lived. Rather odd seeing as his mind came along with him.

Harry couldn't help it though, he was never good at bottling up emotions. And even if he could, how was any human being going to handle two lifetimes in tandem?

But Nevan was right, being so moody was only going to draw more attention to himself. All these people in his life have no way to understand his pain. Not one person can help him, any person who could doesn't exist. Harry had to help himself, and he needed to start with getting a grip.

They reappear into the clearing to find that Bella was sitting outside the tent, singing. It wasn't until they got close that they realised she was singing the Scottish national anthem.

"Those days are past now

And in the past, they must remain

But we can still rise now

And be the nation again, that stood against him.

Proud Edward's army, and sent him homeward.

To think again."

She was right in the middle of carefully constructing a roll-up cigarette, possibly her only one of the day mind you. She saw the boys coming and her head popped up like a meerkat. "You boys are just in time, how was the lake?"

Harry sat down on a log opposite her shrugging off his jacket. "Still full of water like it has been the last three days."

Nevan rolled his eyes and took a seat on the ground. Bella however enjoyed a bit of wit and sarcasm, she was a master practitioner herself. "That's great news, I was concerned your father drank the whole lake dry yesterday with the amount of water he's consuming."

"I heard that" was a response from somewhere inside the tent.

"You were meant to." Bella returned to her roll-up, licking the paper and flattening it.

Bella was about to break into song again, but Harry intercepted. "You're not Scottish."

"So what, it's catchy. Better than God Save The Queen. An anthem is meant to be about your country, not thirty seconds of babbling on about who sits on the now relatively powerless throne."

"Where's the pride in your country?" James shouted from the tent.

"Is dinner done, I'm starving?" Nevan asked grabbing at his stomach.

"To answer your question Starvin, I'm going to send you to go and fetch it for us. Be careful the plates may still be hot" Bella smiled at him as he shot up and strode into the tent on a mission. "He really is hungry."

Harry watched Bella as she lit her creation and took a deep draw from it. The fact she smoked explained the foul teeth she had in the fictional world, although her teeth in real life were remarkably clean for a smoker.

Perhaps there was not necessarily a problem with how his characters originated, you hear commonly how a lot of amiable actors and actresses adore playing villains. Perhaps Harry was not just looking for familiarity with his characters, but a bit of irony.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer" Bella teased, noticing him staring at her.

Harry looked away, his cheeks flushed in embarrassment. She only chuckled and the sound of it made him look back up at her. Around her smoke, and between her cheeky grin, she whispered "don't worry, you can look."

And then there was the way his belly fluttered when she said things like that. A feeling he got at the beginning of his imaginary friendship with Hermione; leagues away from pure love, but the warm yet uncomfortable buzz of a pre-pubescent boy's attraction to a member of the opposite sex. That was the feeling he was experiencing.

If that wasn't confusing enough, then take into account how Bella approved of his attraction to her. Or at least took it in her stride.

Thankfully Nevan reappeared with James in tow and they settled down to enjoy their dinner.

Night came quickly and Harry knew he'd be back home tomorrow afternoon, there wasn't any school on monday which gave him a whole day to travel back to London. He had a weekend to build a connection with James, but it hadn't happened. Harry was sidelined too much by negative feelings against Bella.

His dad was funny, cool and perhaps a little bit of a dope. He had wealth but it didn't go to his head, or replace his desire for normality. He was an active man who couldn't sit still for five minutes. He was generous, supportive and wise in his own weird way.

But Harry didn't know his side of the story. There was a lot that Harry felt Lily was hiding from him, and time was running out to find some answers.

Harry needed at least his major questions answered by the morning, so he got out of his sleeping bag and turned to his dad's double one. He and Bella were curled up together, Harry briefly acknowledged how well they fitted together but quickly refocused on his mission for answers.

He nudged the slumbering man's shoulder and softly called "dad?"

He shifted and clucked his chops but did not awake. With a harder shove and calling into his ear, Harry managed to rouse him.

"Hmm, Harry, it's late mate."

"I can't sleep, and...I wanted to speak to you."

"Can't it wait until morning?"

"I wanted to speak to you alone. I go home today so I might not get a chance to say what I have to say. Please dad." 'It does feel good to be able to call for my mum and dad' Harry told himself, that's the change he easily liked the most.

"Huurrgghh, Harry what a time to ask for a chat. Ok, I'm getting up. Put a coat on and wait outside, I'll be along shortly."

Harry did so sharpish, excited that he'd be getting the information he had wanted all weekend long.

James obviously needed a few minutes to have this conversation whilst looking respectable. Harry was only in pyjamas underneath his big raincoat, and Scotland at night was always cold. 'Even at Hogwarts' Harry remembers.

Before long though the tent flap opened and James half-stumbled out. "I should be given a gold medal for parenting, father gets up in the dead of night for his son."

"I'd nominate you" Harry replied.

"I damn well hope so" James sat heavily down opposite Harry, turning on an electric lantern so they could see each other better. "Okay Harry, what's eating you?"

"I just...I don't fully understand everything."

He nodded understandingly "I know I'm a stranger to you Harry, that's why we came out here. We used to do this all the time."

Harry shuffled to not only get warmth into his numbing limbs, but also out of eagerness for information. "You'd only spend a week with me at Christmas, when the snow reached your knees here in the Highlands. When the bullying was too much and you needed cheering up, or when something exciting happened, we'd always spend time together out here. This is where your second home is, out here in the mountains with your dad."

Like Hogwarts was Harry's second home, and where the Burrow felt like his true home. In fact what Molly was to the Weasley children, is exactly how Lily treats Harry in this world. She's got enough love for seven children and more, but all devoted to Harry specifically.

And here with James was where Harry was inspired, where he experienced freedom, where he felt the world didn't really exist away from these mountains. Exactly how Harry would describe Hogwarts, when it wasn't being attacked and scary things weren't happening of course.

It was a shame they didn't have the time to see the castle in person.

Harry dipped his head, knowing he was about to make this good moment a tender, and perhaps painful moment. "Mum explained about how you both broke up."

"I know, I expected you to know by now. You're far too smart to overlook why your supposed parents are no longer together." He didn't look uncomfortable talking about this, but Harry knew he was holding back something. Probably the same thing Lily was concealing from him.

"She told me about my true dad, and I want you to know I'm sorry I'm not yours. I still love mum, but I hate what she did."

James got up and sat directly beside him, throwing an arm around his shoulders. "Harry, that is a part of your history you _don't_ need to remember, or feel responsible for. Your mum did horrible things, it's true, but I've done things I regret. It was a love that died, and in truth I got a son out of it. I don't care what your DNA says, you're my boy and that's never changing."

Harry smiled at him, how could Lily ever not feel blessed to have this man as a husband? "Don't you ever wish things were different? I know you really love Bella, and I'm not asking you to break up or anything. But you're my dad who lives miles away."

"I'm only a phone call away. And if you really need me, I'll drop anything to come and see you" James assured Harry, and he believed him. But it wasn't the same.

"I need you all the time, and mum. I like Bella a lot more than I like Mark, but not as much as I like you and mum. You don't have to be together, just there."

James looked pained and frustrated, even though he was trying to hide it. "I'd like nothing more Harry, only a certain amount of water can run under that bridge. Even if I wanted to, your mother has full custody. I'm only allowed by law to see you on the consent of your mum. That's what I mean by I've made mistakes too."

The plot thickens. "Like what?"

"Your real dad died before you were born. Your mother wanted you to have a father no matter what, and she didn't want you to remember your dad and her for being horrible people. So she put my name on your birth certificate, and we even discussed getting back together for the sake of your happiness."

Harry was transfixed on every word, James took a break to structure the story in a way Harry would understand. "I took this opportunity for granted. I was too smug, thinking your mum received a cruel taste of justice. I hate the man I was then."

James really did look disgusted at himself, and Harry wished he hadn't brought it up. Had he completely ruined the entire weekend by bringing up old and still tender scars.

"I drank too much. I had trips to be taken to hospital twice, but I didn't stop. Then even that wasn't enough. I turned to other stuff, and I don't mean the friendly kind. They just made me angrier, and violent. I got arrested many times."

Harry hurt hearing this, but he wasn't angry or disappointed.

"I wasn't allowed to even be on the same street as your mother and yourself. So I left for about two months, preferring the company of bad men. The scum of the earth. After those two years I decided I'd try to get you back, take away the thing your mum cared about most, like she did to me. I started doing horrible, criminal things. The police were called and I walked that tight-rope with the law for months. Eventually your mum agreed to divorce me."

It's such a frightening thing to imagine the stress that James put Lily through. She was a single mother then, her protection very thin. The fact she chose to help him instead of condemn him, that earned back some of the respect she lost in her disloyalty.

James swiped a finger across his cornea, wiping shameful tears away before they could spill. "I was more bothered about getting one over the woman who betrayed me, it was never about you. I wanted to have you so she couldn't, that was my mindset."

Harry saw him look up at the stars overhead and the eleven year old followed his gaze. With a composed voice, James continued. "Then one day I spoke to a homeless man. He was badly burnt on the left side of his body. His actual name was Philip but I called him Harvey. If you appreciate Batman like I do you'd get why."" He smiled knowingly at a clueless Harry, which only made James grin wider.

James went on. "His story was darker and ended horribly. See he went through a rocky divorce himself, his kids suffered. His actions cost him the lives of his entire family."

Harry wasn't sure he wanted to know, but asked anyway "what did he do?"

"He only wanted his family to live with him again, so he burnt the house down when he thought everybody was out. Everybody was not out, and he tried to rescue them and severely injured himself in the process, but they couldn't be saved."

Harry felt a chill go down his back, not because of the cool night breeze either. That man was pushed into carrying out desperate acts, how long would it have taken for James to reach his limit had he continued? Would he have been foolish enough to endanger lives?

Harry remembered the guilt and shame from when Sirius fell through the veil, a preventable situation if Harry would've just stayed away. He remembered bringing Cedric to his premature end simply for being in the wrong place with the wrong people.

Fictional or not, Harry was experienced with regret. Losing your loved ones is always hard, but never has it ever been easy to forgive yourself when you are responsible. You could tell someone a trillion times 'it was just an accident', fantasy Hermione was an expert on those topics of discussion with Harry. But at the end of it the fact remains it would not have happened had Harry not been involved.

Forgiveness towards yourself was life's hardest objective, perhaps an impossible one. And this homeless man's experience was clearly all James needed to hear to prevent a similar event happening to the ones he loved.

After a brief contemplative silence, James spoke again. "Harvey taught me something I will never forget. The anger you feel when you are robbed or wronged, it is as thin as paper. You abuse your family because you don't want to admit that you hate yourself, and the more they hurt the more you hate. You just want your family to know you're hurting, and that you need them. The sillycmen like me believe actions always speak louder than words, and we always mean the opposite to what we say and do. Sometimes you've just got to speak your mind. You'll remember that won't you Harry?"

Harry didn't need to answer. Quite frankly, he didn't really need that reminder. Harry wanted more than anything to say exactly what was happening inside his head, but if he did so he'd be carted off to the biggest padded cell in the country.

But Harry did understand, and would remember the message. "Of course Dad."

"Good lad" James gazed back at the stars and after a long while in which Harry thought he wasn't going to speak again, he spoke. "I can't go back to England Harry, to London or to your mum. I just don't belong there anymore."

 **An; Has been a while, sorry about that. Some time jumps to occur in the next few chapters, some long and some short. Don't fret though, nothing plot-related happens during these jumps, except for some aging and adapting for Harry.**


End file.
